Dear Ivan:

As we emerge from Hanukkah and Christmas and head toward the New Year, I wanted to take a few moments to make a few brief observations about the holidays and holiday spirit.

First, that you got presents on each day of Hanukkah, and received gifts from your non-Jewish friends and relatives on Christmas does not augur some new trend in which you receive gifts with regularity (and a disturbing regularity I might add).  The point is, there are no gift-giving traditions associated with New Year, and your birthday’s not till August, so you’ll just have to make do for the next 8 months with the many, many toys, books, and games that you just received and won’t use more than once.

Second, Mommy and I are not “mean” because of #1 above.  We are not “mean” period, but it’s really unseemly to call us “mean” after the haul you pulled down this holiday season.  I say this especially since the only “gift” I got this season was a bill and a sore back from carrying your gifts up the stairs to our apartment.

Three, you cannot stay up late just because there’s no school.  Yes, you don’t have to wake up late, but there’s nothing going on at night except me sitting on the couch, exhausted, looking like I ran wind-sprints (but really just tired from my day).  You don’t need to see that because . . . well, you don’t need to see that.  Also, I don’t need you to see that.  We should still preserve the fiction that I am a superman for a few more years.  So, you are going to bed at the regular time.

But, otherwise, man, enjoy the holidays!  I wish there were some snow, but Donald Trump and the Republicans don’t want to believe in or curb climate change, so snow is now an endangered species.

Love always,

Daddy