Dear Ivan:

Recently, you informed Mommy and me that you have an imaginary friend named Jack.

First of all, I want you to know that we’re very happy that you have Jack as a friend.  Because you’re an only child, sometimes we worry that you’ll be lonely or not have someone with whom you can play.  With Jack in the picture, we can now rest easy, and we hope that you and he have wonderful adventures together.

At the same time, Mommy and I want you and Jack to play nicely. No name-calling.  And, no hitting.  If you misbehave, you will get a timeout, and let Jack know that means him too.  I’d tell him myself, but I can’t see him.

By the way, would you have Jack come talk to Mommy and me.  We feel badly that his parents obviously are having some issues since they just left him with us with no word as to why and for how long.  This presents some problems.  For example, we have no idea if he has any allergies (to gluten or peanuts or, you know, being visible) or behavioral problems we need to know about.  What if he gets homesick?  Are they planning on coming to pick him up soon? Ever? I mean, it’s not like Mommy and I don’t have money, but having to watch another child could cost a lot, especially one like Jack who may have some very special needs, like how to feel like he’s being noticed (especially given that he’s imaginary).

And, what about clothes?  How do you find clothes for someone we can’t see? Is he tall? Short? Fat? Thin?

And, what about when Mommy and Daddy want some privacy?  How are we ever gonna know whether he’s in the room with us or not?  In fact, he might be sitting here right now, looking over my shoulder while I write this.  But, seriously, it could be like we’re being watched.

Look, again, don’t get the wrong idea, we still love that you have a friend, but, you know, I think we really need to talk to Jack and lay down some ground rules.  So, can you do me a favor and point to where he is, so I can say hello.

Love,

Dad