Dear Ivan:

By now, you are aware that you can’t always get what you want.  The Rolling Stones said that.  By the way, they are a group of very old men (older than George Washington), not a group of rocks.

In any event, it is true that sometimes you can’t have the things you want.  In fact, sometimes, Mommy and Daddy have to not only say “no,” we have to instill some discipline.

What is “discipline?”  You know when Mommy asks you to do something 10 times in a row, and you don’t because you think it’s a big game?  Well, the thing that happens next — when Mommy starts screaming and her head looks like it’s going to explode and she tells you to go to bed “or else!”  That’s discipline.  It’s not always so loud, but that’s what it is.

The hardest thing for Mommy and me is that we have no idea whether we’re doing the right thing or not when it comes to discipline.  There is no ESPN for parenting (ESPN by the way is that sports show we watch in the morning with the guys playing soccer).  There is no Top 10 Parenting Plays of the Day.  Mommy and Daddy do what think is best, and we’re only going to find out whether we were right so many years from now that we won’t be able to fix any mistakes we’ve made.  About the best we’ll be able to do is to apologize to you and explain to your therapist what happened.

Sometimes, I know it seems to you that sometimes the discipline that Mommy and Dadd use is too harsh.  And, you’re probably right.  I mean, just because you didn’t take a bath tonight, is not necessarily such a cataclysmic event that Mommy and Daddy should start acting like the World is ending.  So you’re dirty for one more day?  So what?  It’s not like you work in a butcher shop or in a factory or box 15 rounds a day.  You’re 4.  The amount of dirt you collect per day isn’t nothing, but it’s not going to cause DirtPocalypse 2016.

So, yes, maybe we could just chill out a bit.

On the other hand, you should know that sometimes we discipline you because it’s for your own good.  Like, you really shouldn’t touch the hot toaster, and if you’re going to insist on trying, we might have to yell.  At the same time, I will confess that sometimes the discipline comes from our own self-interests and ego-driven need to feel in control of the situation.  This is particularly important for us because, frankly, there is no other part of our lives where anyone listens to us, so if you don’t we’re lost.

In the end, I have no idea whether any of the discipline we utilize has any impact on you except to maybe make you just scared enough of us that you don’t attempt a palace coup, overthrow our regime, and exile us from our own home. I know you think that’s silly because now you’re 4, and you love having us around.  But trust me, in the not-too-distant future, maybe as soon as you turn 12 or 13, you’re gonna be at least as big as us, faster, stronger, and you’ll have had it just about “up to here” with us, and if you don’t fear us just a little bit at that point, there’s a real risk that you would foment a one-man rebellion, storm the Bastille (as it were) and depose our benign dictatorship in favor of your own one-man tyrannical rule.  And, I’ll be honest, I’m trying to prevent that  . . . mostly because at that point , I’ll be 56 or 57 years old, and it’ll be next to impossible to find a new job and place to live.

So, that’s why we discipline you.  That and the fact that it’s just patently absurd to eat an entire box of cookies in one sitting.

Love,

Dad