Dear Ivan:

At some point you likely will consult a self-help book.  People turn to these books when they’re feeling unfulfilled, dissatisfied, weak, vulnerable, afraid, alone or otherwise unhappy with the state of affairs in their lives.

These books tend to gravitate around some common themes.  Specifically, they will tell you to live in the now and not to obsess about the past (can’t undo it) or the future (you’re not there yet).  They will tell you to be grateful for what you do have (rather than focusing on what you don’t have).  They will tell you to be curious (curiosity spurs investigation which spurs learning).  And, they will tell you not to fear (fear prevents us from moving forward and from trying things that would actually improve our lives).

Okay, so now you don’t have to read these books.  I’ve just summarized them.

However, if you do, here’s another few concepts about self-help books to bear in mind as you do go forward:

LIVE IN THE NOW:  What if I don’t like Now.  Isn’t that why I put money in the author’s pocket and bought the book.  If I liked Now so much, I wouldn’t need the self-help.  I’d be deliriously happy doing what I want, feeling good, counting my billions, when I’m not napping in my mansion or watching movies in my private home theater.  So I don’t want to live in the Now because Now I don’t have that.  I want to live in the someplace or sometime else.  Preferably I’d live in the past, so I could have a do-over and invest in Apple and Google stock.  At a minimum, I’d like to live in the future, where all this self-help has already made my life so much better.

GRATITUDE: What’s with all the gratitude we’re supposed to have?  What am I grateful for?  That I’m short.  That my ears are big?  Why, because the alternative is that I could be shorter and have bigger ears? Or maybe I should be grateful that no matter how much I scrub my teeth w/Super XL extra whitening toothpaste, I can’t get them White? Seems to me that gratitude is just another way of saying “stop complaining. It could be worse.  Also everyone’s sick of hearing you kvetch.”   That’s really what gratitude is all about – just getting you to shut up because people don’t want to hear it anymore.

CURIOSITY:  Why should I be curious?  I don’t really care how things work or whether they might work better. I’m just glad they work or annoyed that they don’t. I’m not going to invent a better rocket to Mars like Elon Musk.  If there’s no better rocket, then my view is: “well, I guess we’re not going to Mars.”  It’s like the old RFK quote: “Some see the World as it is and ask why. I dream of a World that could be and ask why not?” I don’t dream about why not.  I just figure whatever it is, it’s something we don’t do.  Like why don’t people have jet pack or trains that go 1000 mph?  ‘Cause that’s just not part of the program.   Truth is, once you learn history and know about Slavery and the Holocaust, I think you pretty much have to throw “why” out the window.  Because if people can do something that evil and other people sat around and let it happen, there’s no explaining anything, including, but not limited to, how Trump got elected.

FEAR:  Self-help books books always say don’t be afraid.  Why not?  There are tons of things to be afraid of and with good reason: going broke, getting fired, losing your health insurance, people hating you, pain, death, being embarrassed, the world ending, Donald Trump getting re-elected.  You ask me – not being afraid is crazy.  That’s not self-help, that’s self-delusion.

So, yes, Ivan, one day you may well turn to self-help books because you don’t trust that what I’m going to tell you is what you should do.  That’s okay.  There comes a time in everyone’s life when they ignore their parents.  Just know that these books don’t know anything, and they cost money.  Whereas, I know something, and I’ll give you the advice for free.

Love always,

Daddy