Dear Ivan:

I’ve resisted for as long as I could, but I can’t restrain myself any longer — you need to eat some vegetables, man.

I know.  I know. They’re not nearly as tasty as cookies or even Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.  But, dude, there’s this thing called fiber that’s really important.  It’s what makes you poop, which I know you think is not that much fun, but I’m telling you right now, as you get older you’ll realize that a good poop can be the difference between a good day and a bad one.  Plus, as you get older and busier, you’ll no doubt observe that while you’re pooping is about the only peace and quiet you’ll get all day.  So, pooping a couple of times a day is worth it, even if only to get away from everyone for awhile.

Also, there are these things you can’t see that are called vitamins and minerals.  They’re important because basically they keep you from looking like that garbage lying on the sidewalk.  Point is, you need vitamins and minerals to grow big and strong.  Supposedly, they exist in things like crackers and bread and cereal, but, then again, there’s the fact that corporate America is full of big fat liars (liar, liar, pants-on-fire kind of liars), so I wouldn’t bet that they’re telling the truth about the vitamin and mineral content of packaged food.  So, you need vegetables.

On top of that, vegetables are fun. They come in all sorts of cool colors. Think of them like edible crayons.  You can literally draw all over your insides.  How cool is that?!  Besides, what else can you that’s so colorful that isn’t packed with sugar?  Answer, nothing.

Oh and then there’s this — if you eat vegetables, you’ll be big and strong.  Oh, yeah, I mentioned that already.  Well, it was important enough to mention twice.

Finally one more note: if you eat vegetables Mommy will stop bothering you to eat them, which I bet would be nice.

Love,

Daddy