Dear Ivan:

Let me first say that your continued rapid development is amazing.  Your memory and comprehension and vocabulary and language skills and writing skills are growing by leaps and bounds every day.  So, I guess it turns out that all that iPad use we’ve permitted hasn’t harmed you in any measurable way.

Except of course that you have a tendency to try and end conversations by swiping your index finger through the air, as if you could swipe people off a giant screen in front of you.

No, I realize, that’s an exaggeration, just some hyperbole (though it would be cool).

In all seriousness, I do worry that your love of “Pad” will become an unhealthy obsession, one that will cause you to disdain real-world contact for the love of online engagement.

So, we’re instituting some “rules” regarding “Pad” use.

1. You may only use the iPad for educational purposes

2. “Educational” means you must learn something (this does not include learning how to ignore Mommy and me).

3. “Educational” also means when Mommy and Daddy need some time to attend to their own work and can’t drop everything they are doing to help you do something you can do yourself.

4. If I tell you “5 more minutes,” I mean a “real” 5 minutes.  Not the Quantum Physics/through a wormhole/time-space continuum-bending 5 minutes that you use.

5. You must use a separate finger for iPad swiping and booger-picking.  This needs no explanation.

6. The iPad never goes on the floor.

7. The iPad is yours to use, unless Mommy needs “downtime.” Then, you’re stuck with me.  And, we two guys will have to figure out another way to amuse ourselves.  I suggest jumping on the bed.

8. Under no circumstances may you watch a video that has “shooters.”  I don’t care what anyone else watches.  That’s our rule.  And, I don’t care what the Supreme Court says.  The 2d Amendment for sure doesn’t extend to the right to bear online arms.

9. Siri is smart.  But, no matter how many times you ask, she will never know the answer to how many farts there are in your tushie.  So, give the poor woman a break.

10. The iPad is not a toy.  If you throw it, it’s not gonna bounce.

That’s it.  Just a few small rules.  Now go enjoy.

Love,

Dad