My wife is Black. I’m White. Our son is Biracial. This Black History Month, we are doing our part to honor and commemorate Black History. However, along the way, we’ve encountered some issues from others who perhaps are not very broad-minded when it comes to race. Here are some of the “top” issues/questions and our (mostly my) responses:
1. Why is there no White History Month? The answer to this question is: read a history book.
2. You’re a N-Word Lover (this one is directed at me). My response? Congratulations, you’ve just provided the answer to question number 1, why there is a need for Black History Month.
3. What’s wrong with you? When you look at your wife, you shouldn’t see race. Okay, that’s fine. But, she is Black, and I do have eyes. I see no reason not to see her race when I look at her. Differences in race can’t be simply wished away, nor should they be. Differences between people, whether trivial or more significant, are what make life interesting. Differences don’t need to mean bad or worse or negative. They can just mean different. Frankly, the people who claim they don’t see race, they’re the ones who need to be a little more honest.
4. What’s the toughest part of being a multiracial family? Probably the number of times someone thinks my wife is the nanny. It’s insulting to her, and it’s offensive to me because not only does it demean my wife, it reminds me that I don’t have enough money to afford a nanny.
5. You’re son will be the next Barack Obama. Okay, I get it. Our son is Biracial, so I understand why people say that. And it’s a nice comparison. Obama’s very smart, and he’s the President of the United States. If our son were to achieve that level of success, I’d be pretty psyched (especially because it might mean that I could be the “First Father” and retire to the White House). But, honestly, if you dig a little deeper, it’s a shallow comparison. I know people mean well, but why can’t our son be the next “somebody who isn’t Biracial?” Maybe he’s the next Tom Seaver (which would be unbelievably exciting to my dad and me who are both lifelong Mets fans). Or, maybe he’s the next Bruce Lee (even though Lee was Chinese). Or, maybe he’s not the next anybody, he’s just the first Ivan Barnett, which works for us so long as he’s happy.
6. Were your families upset when you got together? I understand why people ask this. The history of race relations in this country is such that the fact of a Black person and a White person getting married still does cause consternation for some. I’m proud to report, however, that our families had no issue with us getting married, due to race or otherwise. Frankly, our parents were so tickled that my wife and I actually got married, we probably each could’ve married a rock, and everyone would’ve been pleased. (For the record, I got the better end of the deal, as my wife is awesome, and I’m only semi-awesome).
7. Don’t forget to make sure that your son learns about the Black side of his heritage. Okay, thank you. We won’t. I promise. But, while we’re on the subject of teaching and education, let me give you permission to worry less about the education of our son, whose parents both went to graduate school, and ask you to worry more about children who are less fortunate, whose education is suffering because of cuts to education funding, because of their family conditions and because generally, in this country, we care more about Kim Kardashian than education.
8. You’re like Robin Thicke and Paula Patton. I understand that this is meant to be a compliment, and we’ll take it as such. But, at the same time, just because my wife is Black and I’m White doesn’t make us the same as every other multiracial family, which is too bad, because we sure would like to be as rich and famous as the Patton-Thickes.
4 Comments on “Some Issues for the Multiracial Family During Black History Month”
I was out with a friend one night at a place where my husband was assigned to be the Officer on Duty (he was a Police Lieut.). At one point my husband found me and my friend and came over to us so I could introduce him since he had never met her before. We had a brief conversation and he went back to work. After he left, my friend said to “you never told me your husband was Black”. For a second I was dumb-founded and I replied ” yes I guess he is”. Reason being that when I first met him at the voting polls, I knew he was Black, no big deal. As I continued to see him, fell in love and married him, I rarely if ever saw him as a Black man. He was my husband period. In #3 you say emphatically your wife is Black and you have eyes. Maybe your eyes are the problem. Stop looking for problems and ignore those people for whom it is a problem. You’re not going to change them but you can change your reaction to them. There was a couple of people in my family who didn’t like me marrying out of my race but when they knew I didn’t care what they thought and learned of the wonderful man I married, they loved him and it was no longer AN ISSUE!
Comment My grand daughter is mixed race, my husband have raised her from birth. When people ask about her very light skin we say she is ours, Just stop with the race people, who cares what color you are. You are all loved .
Comment: I am very proud of you for seeing your wife as another human that YOU fell in Love with and not by the color of her skin. “Thank You” :o) !!! – Karen
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