Like many, if not most, interracial couples, my wife (a Black woman) and I (a White man) have often been asked “what did your parents think?” about our relationship and marriage. The implication being that being in an interracial marriage is so surprising and shocking for both Black and White people that the notion that their daughter or son would marry someone of the other race would cause them to react in a highly emotive way.
Well, now, after several years of marriage, I feel comfortable finally telling the world how our families reacted when we told them we got married. Here were there top 10 quotes:
1. “It’s about time.”
2. “Does this mean I can get some grandkids before I die?”
3. “That’s nice.”
4. “Listen, can you call me back in a little while, I’m watching tv.”
5. “Honestly, maybe you should just live together. The marriage tax penalty is outrageous.”
Truth is, our families couldn’t have cared less about our races. The only thing they cared about was our happiness . . . and grandkids. Actually, now that I think about it, they were less concerned with our happiness and more about whether they were going to be grandparents any time soon. Race never came up.
Now, I don’t know if that makes our parents particularly progressive or unique. But, I will say that my guess is that more often than not, when it gets right down to it, families are far more accepting than people assume. That’s not to say that all families are so accepting. I know from talking to people and reading accounts of other peoples’ stories, that not everyone has such accepting family.
In the end, though, whether your family is accepting or not, the one thing I’d say is that you can’t decide how to live your life based on what other people think.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tend to the grandchild that our parents are so enamored with they’ve basically forgotten my name.
6 Comments on “What Do Your Parents Think?”
Great comments. Most parents just want their children to be happy, loved and safe. Sounds like you both have great parents. Being a grandparent myself, I do understand how enamored we become with our grand children that-what’s their name gave us! Haha.
Loretta: Thanks for writing! Always great to hear from the “grands!” 🙂
My mom surprised me when Brenda and I first started living together and I sent a pic. She sent it back with a letter that started “what make you think I want a picture of your black woman.” We didn’t communicate for a couple of years, and since I was still with my black woman she finally came around. We even visited her in Missouri and later my youngest grandson and I visited as well. But, who knew mom was a racist. One of those old “separate but equal” types I suppose.
Now my dad, a good-ol-boy from Mississippi invited us up to visit . We never got around to it, mainly I felt it was unsafe traveling thru Mississippi and also dad might have hit on her. (He has been outside of MS and done a lot).
Rob: thanks for writing. I always appreciate your insights and the sharing of your experiences. All the best.
My parents were a bit anxious over the whole thing. They worried we’d have trouble in society and our children would have problems. This was in 1979 and we live in Ga, so their reaction was better than most in my position. Once they got grands they couldn’t have cared less about my wife’s skin color so long as we brought their grandchildren over to visit. Once my brother got married, it was very clear they approved of our marriage much more than my brother’s – and theirs was white/white, but his wife was a bit flaky.
My wife’s in-laws didn’t say anything negative. I’m sure they’d have been more comfortable with a black son-in-law, but they’ve always been quite gracious and go out of the way to make sure I feel like part of the family.
Glenn: Thanks for writing and sharing your story. Interesting the way people react and how their reactions do evolve (hopefully). All the best to you!
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