My wife and I have a 3 year old son.  Every day with him is a joy.  And, every day I learn something new about him, about me, about parenting and about the World.  Here’s just a sample of what I learned this week:

1. The first rule of parenting is: first do no harm. But, if you do, definitely tell people he learned that sh*t from someone else.

2. Toddlers don’t defy you to make you mad.  They defy you for their own amusement.  As soon as it’s not amusing, they stop.

3. “Reverse psychology” should just be called “a good idea” and “child psychology” should be called “sh*t that doesn’t work.”

4. Potty training is like chess . . . you gotta be patient and 5 moves ahead at all times.

5. The thing about the time-out is, it doesn’t work as well once your toddler knows that the hands of time are running faster against you than him.

6.  Toddlers have the same eating habits as pot-smokers: cookies, ice cream, chips. The only way you’ll know they’re still on the straight and narrow is that their reflexes are way too fast to be under the influence of anything besides sugar and because pot-smokers never run away . . . ever.

7. A toddler’s interest in a toy is almost always in inverse relationship to the cost.  The only time this isn’t true is for the one expensive toy that your toddler takes great joy in trying to destroy on a daily basis.

8. Toddler parents never get to eat when they want to.

9. Here’s how to judge whether toddler will eat something: does it contain starch? If yes, there’s a high likelihood.  If no, then forget it, unless it’s ice cream.

10. To a toddler, a bath is like a bad movie.  At first, they’ll say “no.” But once they get into it, you can’t tear them away.