There are a growing number of multiracial families in America. Ours is one of them. And, I hear from many, many others out there who are in our same boat.
I write a lot about the multiracial family experience, but now I want to hear your story. What’s the one thing that is most misunderstood about the multiracial experience?
Looking forward to receiving your responses.
For more on the multiracial experience or to join the conversation, please join me each week on my podcast, Multiracial Family Man or join me on Twitter at @barnettcomic and use the hashtag #multiracialfamilyman
47 Comments on “The Most Misunderstood Thing About Multiracial Families”
I am white, my husband is Mexican. Our baby is mixed. I think the most popular misconception is that we don’t still love our own race. Totally absurd.
It is totally absurd. Thanks so much for sharing!
My husband is black and white, I am a European mutt mixed with native American and algerian. I think the most misunderstood aspect of interracial families, is the thought that we actually notice any differences in our skin. Our culture is that of our family, what each of us bring to the table, as with any other family. We love, laugh and live, just like everyone else. We are no different than the white family down the street, or the black family next door. We are just a family.
If i had two wished, one would be that people would stop believing that their stares or comments, dirty looks or rolling eyes actually affect us. We are not bothered by bigotry, it just brings us closer together as a family. As much hate as people try to spew, we love even harder. The second wish, is that people would stop asking me, “is your husband black or Hispanic? “. My husband is “jason”. He is not a race, he is a man. That question bothers me. My husband is a beautifully blended race man, with a gorgeous smile, and exotic green eyes that melt my heart through to my soul when he looks at me….❤
The most misunderstood notion of a multiracial family is the assumption that we care about others opinions, or that we even see the color.. We didn’t wake up one day saying I’m going to go out & find a person of a different race to love. Love just happens size, shape, color of skin, age, where you grew up… none of that matters when you find the one that makes your heart sing that’s just it. You can have a Multiracial family & it go unnoticed due to the blend & sometimes it’s more obvious either way if your family is a production of love then it is beautiful. We don’t live our lives worried about what others are thinking I’m frankly quiet sure that’s the last thing on our minds. We just live & love. When you close your eyes all the colors of the rainbow do not matter anymore. It is what’s inside that counts.
So true. Thank you for sharing!
For me, it’s that some people think a black woman dates a man of a different race as a “come up”. You know, a jump in social status or financial gain. Love, admiration, attraction and mutual respect can’t possibly be the reasons. I’ve had scores of people see me with my children and strike a conversation with me, only to state that type of ignorance. I pray for them.
Great point. Thank you for sharing!
One of the things I hear the most is that we are raceless. Like if you are not “ONE” race then you cannot identify with any race or culture or ethnicity. I think that is ridiculous. I was taught to embrace every facet of my being, and I teach my kids the same thing. My son is beautiful caramel complected, my daughter is beautifully fair and ginger. They love each other regardless of their outer differences because at the end of the day they are both my children and they both bleed red. As my son says, he feels pain no differently than someone who is not mixed or of an interracial family.
Thanks for sharing your personal story! Great insight.
My dad is 1/4 black and 3/4 Samoan and my mom is Mexican. They’re not together and both married different races. My dad married a Filipina woman and my mom a white Texan. Between all of my siblings, half siblings, and step siblings people don’t understand that we don’t see race with each other. The little ones think we’re all one big family and the older ones have no issue with the blend. Its usually strangers who ask questions like “what’s it like have a samoan sister is it weird?” or “man it has to be strange being so far from your homeland”
but i’m half mexican.
and I was born in LA. Like come on people.
Great multi-culti family you have!!! Thanks for sharing!
When I first got with my husband, my parents had no problem thinking ill about him. The fact that I already had two children who were half white, they attempted to throw every worse case scenario about him… Who IS this white man? How is he around the kids? Does he discipline them? How does he discipline them? Who has the final word? All these questions… Once I told my mother, “Joseph and I will be making this decision.” (about the kids) and she about lost her freaking mind! But once they found out that my husband was good at fixing things, anything, they had NO problem asking, “Can Joseph come and fix my car? Can Joseph come and change my tire?” Any time of day and night, my phone was ringing with asking for what the evil white demon could do for them… I was pregnant with our daughter when he went back into the military. Then they started asking for money. Constantly. My husband is very soft-spoken and very kind. I am not. Whenever I’d start bitching about my family asking for money, he would simply say, “They are family. They obviously need help and we should help them.” Simple as that. I would be angry. He would be calm. So I conceded. But after awhile, he realized we were just being used and when THIS Jewish man puts his foot down. That’s IT! My mom died almost 7 yrs ago, but those awful memories of how my husband was treated still haunt me from time to time. I distinctly remember when we first got together, my cousin and I both had new men. Hers, of course, was Black. Mine was not. My husband is from HI where the custom is to remove shoes before stepping into someone’s home. Cousin’s new man was welcomed with opened arms and treated as a welcome part of the family. Mine was not. My dad complained about me having the nerve to bring this man to a family function, with his weird ass taking his shoes off at the door.. I mean THE NERVE. Come to find out, cousin’s boyfriend was a child sex offender. By being around all our children he was breaking parole rules. How interesting. My hubby and my dad have a quiet understanding. It’s been over 10 yrs now. They have a somewhat decent understanding of each other. They can have a cigar and drinks and quiet conversation about safe subjects like gardening and the children… And it’s okay… But it’s VERY hard to remember how he was treated in the beginning…
Wow! Thank you for sharing!
The hardest part about being in an interracial relationship is the judging. I am 100% Indian, from India, and my boyfriend of 2 years is Irish/German. He constantly gets asked “how does her parents feel about you dating her? Indian parents hate when their children date outside their race!” When in reality, I was adopted at 9 months old by the most amazing family. My mother is Czech/Irish, and my dad is German/Dutch. I do not celebrate any Indian traditions, or take on any of their culture’s traditions. I celebrate all the traditional American holidays. So basically, my boyfriend is dating a really tan white person. People will always be quick to judge how we ended up together. But what matters is, we did end up together, and we couldn’t be happier.
Good for you!!! Stay true to who you are! Thanks of sharing!
My life is Black and White and mixed. My great-grandparents were the son and daughter of slave-owners, my wife is German of predominantly Nordic descent. —it’s not an affectation, it’s my real life. It’s also the lives of millions of people throughout the world. But there is actually a pocket of people, who naively believe that we live in a color-blind, post-racial world, where all racism ended with the election of Barack Obama. They struggle to name a single Black friend, much less one in an interracial marriage, so to them my relationship is either taboo or exotic in some sense. But to me, it’s not. My wife and I have always said, always say the best way to get rid of racism is to breed it out. After all, I have never seen a biracial child hate on another biracial child. They’re going to have many more friends to relate to than I ever did as a child and that makes me happy for them. Thank you for your courage, I wish you and your family well.
Thank you for writing and sharing! And thank you for the kind words!
That racial reconciliation is something I’m passionate about. The only time I even care about racial relations is when someone I care about is feeling mistreated, namely my children. I fell in love with my husband because of his smile, and because he looked at life differently than I do. I thought that would keep us strong as we faced the world together. The fact that he’s a Black Man was just part of the package, not a defining value. Don’t get me wrong, I love his skin color, I love the way our hands look side by side. I’m not one of those people that feel the need to lie and say, “I don’t see color.” When I hear someone say that I always think, how sad for you. I see and celebrate color. I celebrate the many different colors of our five children’s eyes, or the varying shades of our skin as we all stand side by side. I thank God for a Mother that taught me to love the little touches of color on my skin that you all call freckles, but that she told me were angel kisses. I never set out to have a bi-racial family, that was all God’s doing. I live my life with no conscious thought that I’m living a life different than that of the rest of the world. I don’t wonder or worry about what the world will think of my half black, half white kids. I’m proud to introduce you to my family, my beautiful, intelligent, personable, quirky family. I promise you all are thinking about the color of our skin and the challenges we face definitively more than we ever do!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
If two people are in love, nothing else matters. Most of the time you only have one chance at real love, not just existing. Therefore, I urge couples, ignore the haters and enjoy life an love. I love it when people in love, endure, whether handicapped or multiracial. As my middle son would say FINISH STRONG.
Indeed, finish strong! Thanks for writing!
For me it is the identity part. Yhat most kids have an identity crisis. I’ve never know my children yo have experienced that so far. I have a 21 year old and a 10 year old. I am hispanic and my children’s father’s are black. My husband, their step dad is a black Colombian. My children have always been told about both sides of their family and I think that helps as well. One other thing would be that all biracial people have been harassed or had prejudice come their way some how. Again, this hasn’t been the case with our families. I guess we are extremely blessed then.
Thank you for writing and sharing!!
Linda & I married in 1992 and divorced in 2007. Being married to a Black woman for 15 years had many interesting experiences and events. I guess the most misunderstood aspect is how white people perceive our children … (now ages Eric 21 & Alisia 28). In public, the stares are 99% of the time at our children. It appeared to be a weird curiosity about what happens when our gene pools intermingle. I don’t think they noticed the way i did but it always made me annoyed at how “thick” people can sometimes be!
Thank you for writing and sharing your experience and insight! All the best to you!
I think the most misunderstood thing about my multiracial experience is that we are different than any other family just because of the difference in race. There really is no difference between how my husband, who is black and myself, who is Mexican and white, handle our marriage and family then how I seen my parents handling things growing up. We have two children, a girl age 11 and a boy age 5, along with his three grown children from a previous marriage, so we have issues like any other family may have with that dynamic. Race doesn’t play a role in our everyday lives in our family. We live in a small town so my kids have white friends who don’t always know certain “black” characters or slang or understand certain concepts that are more familiar to my kids because of their mixed race but that doesn’t cause any issues for my kids because they have a strong family connection and support and they know they can talk to their dad or I anytime about anything. We share the same faith so I believe that is a big factor in our family and how my husband and I approach such things as family structure and every life. He and I talk often about our dreams and aspirations for the family and we share a lot of the same goals.
I do tend to have my women friends comment about how strong our marriage is. Sometimes that leads me to believe that somehow people (still) have an idea that when a black man is married to a white woman that somehow he dominates the relationship and we just sit back and say “Ok, honey…” which is not the case at all, at least not for our marriage. We have mutual respect for each other. We are both strong in certain areas and therefore we strengthen each other in our areas of weakness. We love each other outwardly as well so our children see a healthy marriage modeled and lived out. We both love the Lord and strive to live our lives for Him so we both have our values and principles based on our faith which in turn makes our marriage and family base the most strong.
So glad to hear you’re doing well! Thank you for sharing! All the best to you!
That we are any different than mono racial families. We have the same challenges and triumphs. What does irritate me is when people want to touch my children’s hair. This isn’t a petting zoo!
Ugh, the hair pat!! My wife has an afro, and she’s been there!! Thanks for writing!
Hello, I’m black and I’m married to a white guy. My husband and I have two children and one on the way, which will make three. Anyway, I think the problem we run into most is, because we’re different ethnicities, people automatically go into a stereotypical state of mind. They assume that we’re so different, that we shouldn’t be together and our children will live a miserable life. That’s so not true, the outside may be different, but the inside is the same, we both love equally, not to mention, I’m no different than any other woman and my husband is no different from any other man. And though my children look more like my husband than me, they’re still mine and I love them very much. People should get to know another individual first, before judging them.
Yes, people do jump to stereotypes. Thanks for writing and sharing!
Most misunderstood? There are many! But as a white woman married to a black man with whom I have bi-racial children, I would say the most misunderstood thing by ME was that love would cover it all and that race within our own home would not be an issue. Don’t misunderstand, it is NOT a huge issue on a daily basis. Most of our daily life looks like every other couple and family. And race is certainly not one of our “hot button” issues. But still, it DOES come up. And we DISAGREE! More than I thought we would, more than I’d like usually… However, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It provides such opportunity for growth and expansion of this little mind that once thought as a teenager and young woman that I had it ALL figured out!
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your personal feelings and experience!
for myself growing up Italian Irish and African American I found people most misunderstand the actual family. As a child we traveled often and even into my adult years people just can’t seem to wrap there heads around a black man, and a white woman, and what a child would look like from them. Every where we went you herd can I help you?, can I help you?, can I help you?…..”we’re all together “
Thank you for sharing!
I am 21 years old, I am literally everything except from asian. My mother is French, German, Duthch, and more. My father is Native American, Spanish, Mexican, and Creole. My entire life I have been asumed to be “confused” in regards to who I am, although I never was. My skin color has never defined who I am as a person. Either way my family was a part of so many cultures it is weird to think about claiming or belonging to just one culture.
During my childhood I heard my parents get told racial slurs. I also experienced large ammounts of bullying and relaxed my long, thick, soft, curlry, brown black hair – in attempts to have the the straight, blonde, locks my mother flaunted. I would have dyed my skin and wore blue contacts if I could. As a child I felt very odd, unexcpeted, and out of place.
I experienced a large ammount of predgious, bullying, racism, and mistreatment during Jr. High and High School.
Going into Jr. High school it was even worse. I hung out with pretty much everyone I wasn’t a part of a particular group and I was considered – a fake white girl want to be. Simply because I didn’t want to take part exclusivley, in gang activity, “talking black”, and many other sterotypical racial/cultural events.
In high school I openly claimed Chrisitanity as my culture – because it is way more than my religion. I still battled with many insecurities and experienced bullying; but I was glad I was at least aware of where I belonged.
I learned throught that time in my life that when you deal with being wronged/abused you either prove them wrong or let them steal your peace of mind and joy. I am grateful for everyone that mistreated me. I now understand other cultures and have an impressive ammount of self-control and patience.
In college I met my husband on the first day of instruction. He is Italian, Portugese, and Russian. I experienced so much hate from others in regards to dating a man out side of the Black and Mexican culture.
I then realized that no matter where I go in life I will always hear rude, despicable, and degrading comments.
I just practice grace and remember that not everyone is used to seeing multicultural/biracial people.
In the end the jokes on them. In 20 years from now – it will be shocking to see anyone of 1 racial background.
Thank you for writing and for your thoughts and insights! All the best to you!
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My husband is black and I am white. Two of my children have very light skin. People approach us ALL the time and ask us questions. Are all of these children yours? Some one asked my husband, “Where did that baby come from”? Why do people think it’s okay to ask us questions about how we are related to our own children? Our children have to listen to these questions. Various skin tones from light skin to dark skin and in between happen when a black and white person have a child.
You’re so right! All the best to you!
Comment I am so sorry people are so ignorant and not carring. I am of mix race my mother is white and my father is black. Totally understand…My God continue to Bless you all.
Thank you for writing and for your support!
My family is mixed with swedish/finish and nigerian (igbo). My husband and I have three kids.
Our first and second boys and last one a girl. One of the questions that pop up is: Are these your kids?
And when I say yes they ask but why are they darker than you. Mostly kids in school have asked this.
My boys that are 11 and 9 have heard the n word few times from other students. But thank God that they are strong and answer back (one more than the other).
From adults we mostly get looks that are negative. Some seem to be positive though. Once an older gentleman from Norway started talking to us in the supermarket as we went shopping. He said that he thinks it is wonderful to see mixed couples and their kids. That it would be very boring if all looked the same. God bless him ☺
My own family was never really against me getting married to a nigerian but I did feel some wishes of that ut should have been a swedish man. But it is my life! I have always been attracted to darkskinned men and
It felt so natural for me. But of course I don’t hate whites. It is just that I feel I hit the right spot.
Sorry for my looooong story!
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your story! Wishing you and your family all the best!
i am black and my husband is Caucasian. The most interesting question I was ever asked was “did I marry him to help him get his green card” since our last name is very ethnic. BTW he and his family have never been out of the country but it’s amazing that we couldn’t have married for love. This question would never have been asked if I were Caucasian as well.
Thank you for writing and sharing your story! I wish you and your family all the best!
I am white, my husband is black. I think the question we get asked the most is if my parents had a problem with me marrying a black man. The answer is a resounding no. My own father had dated a black woman when he was younger and my mom couldn’t have cared less what color his skin was as long as he loved God and me. On the other hand, his family had a HUGE problem with him marrying a white woman. When he told his father we were getting married his response was to ask why he wanted to settle down with a white woman, was he afraid of strong black women? Why didn’t he want to have fun for awhile longer? His response was, my skin color didn’t matter, he loved me and I was a strong woman, period. My skin color had no basis to his love. He tried to talk us both out of it, as in sat us down and tried to convince us this wasn’t a good idea. His father ended up not coming to our wedding (he said he couldn’t get time off because he only had a few months to ask for it off). His step father and sister were there and that was all (his mom passed away before we met). I could tell it was hard for my husband not to have some of his family’s support, but it never dissuaded him from wanting to marry me.
Soon after we got married we went to visit his father, his first question he asked me, even before saying hello, was, “so, are you pregnant? Is that why you got married so quickly?” I told him no, the fact that we had ended up moving states away from each other because he was finishing school and I moved near my family and we didn’t want to be apart anymore, but because of our Christian standards we weren’t going to live together until we were married was why we moved the wedding date up. That and between his school schedule and my father’s schedule working on an oil field had to line up.
After several years of marriage and while I was pregnant with our second child, his father finally started to warm up to me. But still asks me rude questions, like when am I going to get a job (I’m a stay at home mom) what do I do all day? Our relationship is not the best, to say the least. But his is nice to my girls so at least there’s that.
So anyway, lol. People assume that it’s only white people, or my family, that have issues with our relationship. When we have encountered more of the opposite. My family tells me all the time I better not mess this up because they would keep him, and I would just have to get over it, lol. We have this stigma of either he couldn’t handle a strong woman, or I have daddy issues or (insert racial stereotype here). It used to bother me quite badly, but now, it’s not my problem. It’s there problem. We love each other. We’ve been happily married 7 years. We love our 2 beautiful girls. We are teaching them to not see color, but to respect all colors. They will know, sadly, that racism is not exclusive to white on black, but can be black on white, or any combination of other races, but that it’s never ok in any form.
Sorry so long 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m glad you provided the detail so people can really see the intricacies of what happens
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