On January 1, 2016, my good friend and I began a 30-day, extreme fitness challenge.  We’re both middle-aged guys, but we’re both in decent shape, and we thought it would be a fun, albeit demanding, way to kick off the new year and really move ourselves from decent to great shape.

It’s now 11 days later.  Both of us are seriously injured.  I have painful tendinitis in my ankle/calf area, and my buddy has a suspected stress fracture in his lower leg, which is swollen beyond all imagination.

In other words, we’re pretty banged up.  It hurts when I walk.  Hurts when I sit.  Hurts more when I get up.  And, hurts most of all, when I think of the fact that it hurts whenever I do anything except maybe blink my eyes.  My friend?  Well, he lives on the other side of the country, so I haven’t actually heard his expressions of pain, but I have a feeling it sounds something like this, “F**k! It hurts when I sleep!!”

By the way, our wives are in great shape.  Indeed, they’ve never seemed so healthy and vital.  And, to what is this renewed vigor attributable?  Well, it seems, they’ve literally been laughing their asses off at our expense.  Yes, that’s right, they’ve shed years as they’ve shed tears of joy,

So, what’s the lesson here?

First, it’s important to remember that extreme fitness challenges are interesting to read about but rarely should be tried.

Second, anytime you think about taking on a fitness challenged invented and/or developed by a Navy SEAL, it’s probably best to remember that SEALs are SEALs, and middle-aged men are . . . well, middle aged men.

Third, “extreme” and “middle-aged” don’t go together.

Fourth, “fitness” is a relative term.  If you’re 48, and still have your hair and poop regularly, you’re pretty darn fit.  If you can see your toes and your “nether regions” without bending at the waist, you’re an Adonis.

Fifth, in the “fine print” of fitness challenges, notice how the people who’ve invented them never have real responsibilities or concerns about bills to pay?

Sixth, it turns out that pain and inflammation are, in fact, your body’s way of saying, “hey cut the shit.”

Seventh, there’s nothing wrong with being in “good shape” versus being in “insane, Ninja warrior shape.”

Eighth, if your middle-aged buddy says, “hey I have a crazy idea,” you respond by saying “hey, I have an even crazier idea.” Then, hang up the phone, turn on the tv and sit down.

Ninth, you can judge how unsuited you are for any particular fitness regimen by the look of concern on the face of or the look of laughter emanating from your spouse/significant other.   Accordingly, if they look terrified, but they’re crying from laughing so hard, it means you’ve literally stumbled upon the craziest workout a middle-aged person has undertaken.

Tenth, there are no atheists in foxholes or in middle-aged bodies who are in the midst of agonizing workout-induced pain.