August 5 was my birthday.  I turned 47.  Our son turns 3 later this month.  That means I am the 47 year old father  of a 3 year old.  In other words, I am the middle-aged father of a toddler.  This means that I am chronologically and physically ill-equipped for my job.

That said, there are certain advantages to parenting in middle age.  The AARP discounts loom large.

And, then, of course, there’s the experience and wisdom that age brings. That’s right.  After 47 years of making countless mistakes, I have now learned a thing (maybe two).  And, without further ado, on the occasion of the passage of my birthday, here is what I’ve learned in my 47 years (especially this last one):

1. The Ego is like the appendix.  Mostly it serves no purpose, but when it acts up, it always leads to trouble.

2. Eating healthy is very important.  But, giving up bread is idiotic.

3. The book is always — ALWAYS — better than the movie.  Do yourself a favor, read at least one book a month.

4. Cooler heads really do prevail.  It can be very satisfying to blow a gasket, but 99.9 times out of 100 you will regret it.

5. Eat with your family at least once a week.  It will be more rewarding than you can imagine.  Also, no one else will pay attention to you for that long.

6. Children aren’t sadists.  They are anarchists and nihilists.

7. Making people laugh is an underrated and under-appreciated skill.

8. If enough middle-aged White guys in suits say something over and over, people will believe them, even if what they’re saying is complete and utter horse-sh*t.

9.   Money isn’t everything, but it sure doesn’t suck to have it.

10. A little bit of dark chocolate goes a long way.