As the World takes a momentary breather to celebrate Christmas, those of us who are Jewish find ourselves with our annual quandary of how to best celebrate the birthday of perhaps the World’s most famous Jewish person (just edging out Woody Allen and Sandy Koufax).

This year, we decided that this is how we’d celebrate:

1. Chinese Food (but only made with locally-grown, gluten free, non-GMO foods, because we’re enviro-Jews)

2. A screening of Jewish themed movies (e.g. a Woody Allen film festival capped off with a viewing of Casablanca, which was written by Jewish brothers, Phillip and Julius Epstein).

3. A lighting of 3 Hanukkah candles in honor of Santa, Rudolph, and all the people who have to work on Christmas Day (except the New York Knicks, who are overpaid, and who are so bad, they ought to just take the day off anyway)