My wife and I are an interracial couple. She’s Black, and I’m White. Generally, that’s not big news. But, now and again, we do encounter racism sometimes. I was performing recently, and a White guy came up to me after the show, looked around, lowered his voice (because obviously racism is much less offensive if you whisper it) and then said: “What’s with Black people?”
But, no sooner did he say this then he said, “So, what’s it like? You know. The sex.” Like our sex life is like Monster’s Ball, and my wife is Halle Berry and I’m Billy Bob Thornton, and we’re rolling around on the floor and on the coffee table, and there’s a parakeet flying around the room.
And, all I could think was, “dude, we’re married. Our sex life is like Weezy Jefferson and Abe Vigoda.”
We’ve made a life together, not a porno movie. Yet, somehow, people think that in an interracial couple the only reason for being together is some kind of otherworldly, off-the-chain, intergalactic, animalistic sexual attraction. Like our sex life is straight out of a ’70s Blaxploitation movie with a sex scene between the badass, booty-shaking, afro-wearing Cleopatra Jones and some White dude with a shirt open to his bellybutton, wearing crotch-hugging bell bottoms, gold chains nestled in his chest hair, and a Burt Reynolds/Tom Selleck mustache. Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. We’re just like every other married couple. In other words, if our sex life was on YouPorn, it would be on the last page, under the heading of: “If you’re really bored and desperate for porn. If your only alternative to this is masturbating while looking at an LL Bean Catalog. If you literally have no imagination at all, then look at this.”
Point is, interracial couples are just like every other married couple. There’s nothing taboo about us. We’re just as boring and domesticated as everyone else. We know that marriage isn’t about sex. We know that marriage is about sleeping (actually sleeping) well together and watching t.v. well together.
That, and constantly trying to outdo one another about who had a worse day at work.
10 Comments on “Interracial Marriage Is Just Like Every Other Marriage”
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Thanx for the nice write up about this and hopefully you gave the uninformed a clue.
Here in Miami-Dade County there are enuf mixtures of marriage that it is not that unusual (yet I still notice) My wife and I encountered very little of the racism here, but ppl didn’t take liberty with talking to us about our porn life. We did enjoy sex – it was great most of the time (our neighbors can verify that). Then it was just married activity sometimes.
I hear we interracially connected ppl are only 15% – I suppose that is up from when Brenda and I hooked up in 1980. I give ppl credit for normal curiosity at the unusual and try to give them information – as long as they are not some sneering letch who just lives in a ’70s porn world.
Thanks for writing in and sharing!
Well said,am single and couple of white single guys have approach me,when i push further about their interest in me,the answer is more of sexual,looking for a sexual fantasy experience with a black woman because of some errorneous stereotype view of the black woman body,it shame,as you well said whatever race one is,sex is the same between to people who may well love each,it normal and marriage isn’t about sex it about deep friendship with common goal giving each other the companionship.
Aww man! I was truly holding out hope that marriage to someone of a different race would be more exciting than my boring same race marriage. To that end I keep fantasizing that when I finally divorce my husband I’d marry the first availed man of another race and lead a life full of more passion and less errands. Oh well guess I’ll stay married and manage to make this marriage work since my fantasy is no longer a viable option.
Thanks for the reality check. Lol
🙂
Aww man! I was truly holding out hope that marriage to someone of a different race would be more exciting than my boring same race marriage. To that end I keep fantasizing that when I finally divorce my husband I’d marry the first availed man of another race and lead a life full of more passion and less errands. Oh well guess I’ll stay married and manage to make this marriage work since my fantasy is no longer a viable option.
Thanks for the reality check. Lol
What you saying about interracial relationship is true but many racist people can’t see that because thy busy judging
Your blog made me laugh out loud. As a woman married for 13 years with three kids, I totally understand that marriage is about the boring moments as much as it is about those electrifying encounters. It’s about reinventing the bedroom as much as it is about rolling over in the middle of the night for a quickie. It’s about comforting one another, getting on each other’s nerves, being there, listening and loving even the ugly parts about each other. All of this transcends color and that men are from mars, women are from venus stuff.
Amen to that!
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