Our 3 year old son is Biracial and Jewish. Or, African-American and Jewish.
For many, if not most people, that means he is the second coming of Lenny Kravitz. If only it were the case. Then, I’d be the rich dad of an exceptionally cool mega-star, and I could stop working already.
Alas, that is not the case. At least not yet. At least not till people realize how cool the song “Five Little Monkeys Jumping On the Bed” is, and my son, with his version of that timeless classic, rockets to the top of the charts.
That day is a bit down the road.
For the moment, the fact that our son is Biracial and Jewish doesn’t so much mean to people that he’s the coolest thing since cool was invented but, rather, means to them that my son is this seemingly uncommon and incongruous combination of two separate things. Because for most people Black doesn’t equal Jewish and Jewish doesn’t equal Black.
I understand why they believe or think that. The face of Judaism, especially in America (Lenny K notwithstanding) has been and remains White people of Eastern European extraction. Pasty White people. Basically vampires without the fangs and the foreboding and without the Gothic sexuality. In other words, Woody Allen. Basically, think nervous White people from Brooklyn. Think a hipster dude without the beard, without the flannel shirt, without the skinny jeans, and without the fanatical attachment to Comic-Con or artisanal anything.
But to assume that every Jewish person is some form of Woody Allen or unbearded hipster is to forget the history of the Jewish people. If history is to be believed, our people (that’s the Jewish people) started in the Middle Eastern desert. The first Jewish man was Abraham, who lived in Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, Syria and Turkey. His descendants moved to from there to Israel and then spent ages in slavery in Egypt and then returned to Israel. And, for the next millennia, Jewish people were either living in Israel or living in exile in neighboring kingdoms and countries. The point is, we were desert people, no doubt indistinguishable in appearance from the Arabic and North African peoples around us. This is not White, at least not as White is commonly thought of (meaning drinking gin and tonic at the country club, wearing plaid pants, voting Republican and being subtly racist and anti-semitic). In fact, it’s really more Black or Black-ish.
So when did Judaism become White?
We can thank the Romans for that. For as Rome conquered the Middle East and made it easier for people to travel and trade through its empire, so did Jews travel and trade and move and migrate and intermingle. Then Rome pushed further into Israel and Jerusalem, and the Jewish people scattered. And, what the Romans didn’t finish, the Muslims and Crusaders did, so that by the Medieval Period, Jewish people were far more prevalent in Europe than most other places.
Fast forward several centuries, and anti-semitism kicked into high gear, and these Jews of Europe fled (often while being chased by villagers wielding pointy farm implements) and came to the U.S., where they kindly gave to the world the bagel, the word “schmuck” (and other “sch” words), the pastrami sandwich, Borscht Belt humor and Woody Allen.
But, while most of these Jewish people who came to the U.S. and made the bagel one of the major American food groups, were White, there was and is nothing about the Jewish culture, religion or faith that required that Jewish people be White. There’s nothing in the Torah or Talmud that says a Jewish person must be White. And, if it’s not in the Torah or Talmud, well, then, it’s not a rule that anyone has to adhere to (by the way, it’s not as if Jewish people don’t break rules that are written in the Torah all the time. Can you say “bacon” anyone?).
So, my son is Black and Jewish, and this shouldn’t be a big deal at all. Except it is. It suggests that he are exotic, when he’s really not. And, I know he’s not exotic because . . . well, because he’s not exotic. My son is not some rare bird or plant from the Amazon Rainforest that no one has ever seen before. He’s just a three (soon to be four) year old, who is Jewish and who just happens to have a parent who is White and another parent who is Black (and Jewish).
But to many – too many – he is exotic and, thus, someone to be looked at, gawked at, instead of merely welcomed. And, by the way, the gawkers aren’t non-Jewish people. Rather, it’s our own people. That’s right. Despite knowing that our people are such a decided minority, these folks (not all, but a good many) would rather point at my son (and wife) and whisper and stare and make comments and wonder whether he is a “real Jew” (whatever that means), instead of simply saying “hey, great! He’s a cute kid, and we need more people on our team!”
And, that makes me sad, and mad. For, if nothing else, as the Hebrew National salami commercial used to say, we Jewish people are supposed to answer to a higher authority. But, you can’t do that if you’re unwilling to accept within the community people who look a little different. You can’t on the one hand extol all the wonderful virtues of Judaism and how it lays out a clear moral and ethical roadmap for living a just life and then say, “yeah, but he’s a schvartze.” You can’t talk about how Jesus’ “Golden Rule” is really an adaptation of the rule first stated by Rabbi Hillel that the Torah says “Treat your neighbor as you would have him treat you. All the rest is commentary now go and study” and then ask darker-skinned Jews to prove that they’re Jewish, or offer them stares instead of handshakes and hugs, or welcome them to Israel but make them live in squalor.
I’m proud of being Jewish. It’s not always easy, and our community is far from perfect, but I’m glad to be a part of it, so much so that I brought my wife and son into the tent. Of course, now I’m disappointed to find that there are some in the community who want us to sit in the back corner of the tent or, by contrast, to stand front and center so people can look and point and comment, when all we really wanted to do was to walk into the tent, say ‘hi’ to everyone and just join the conversation.
At least, that is, till my son’s a little older, and he becomes an awesomely cool rocker. At which point, we’ll proudly take our seats in the VIP, while my son takes the stage, and everyone gawks at us.
9 Comments on “Black and Jewish Isn’t Exotic”
I can totally relate to this. Being the only black girl in Yeshiva as a child and the stares like I was an exhibit in a museum. It was definitely an uncomfortable 5 years of my life. The irony though was when I went to a diverse catholic school (for education reasons) I didn’t quite fit there either bc there, I was the black Spanish Jewish girl. And to many that didn’t make any sense. Hashem please have mercy on the child I have who will be even more of an “exotic” token to the gawkers with a Sicilian Ukrainian Catholic father. Lol. Shabbat Shalom
Wow! Thanks for sharing your story. Here’s hoping things get better.
I too am black and Jewish, from by very first cell’s meiosis. And even tho I’ve been trained forever that a lady never tells her age, over 50 years ago, I was a small black and Jewish little girl, who at 3 went to pre-scho at her extended family’s synagogue. After the first day, when Mommy came for me, she was told that I couldn’t come back . She was sure I had done something really bad; I hadn’t, it was the other parents who played naughty. Over the course of the day they had let the shul and school Admin know that if the colored kid stayed, they would all pull their little Sarah’s, Sherri’s, Debbie’s, Mikey’s Davys and Richies, out of the pre-school of the huge, famous and socially prominent Temple. I still don’t understand how grownups could pick on a baby and the baby’s family, for the kid’s sin of being the permanent color of the lady in the Bain de Soleil commercial.
When I was at university, I wondered aloud one day, why it had seemed that all the guys in a nearby rabbinic school, had each asked me out, once. The house mate of one of my beaux told me honestly, to my face, “You know, everyone wants to go out with you because you’re so exotic. It’s like Nefertiti has come to life again, and everyone expects that you will speak of mysterious things. But instead, you just like every other suburban Jewish girl whose interested in the Beatles, JDSalenger and how old is Barbra Streisand? How many times has Elizabeth Taylor married and what Pesach must be like at her house…You are so exotic and exotic is erotic. So when they get you alone and hear about your Aunt Shirley, you’re just another Jewish girl and they are disappointed. So they never call again.”
That’s why when I was finally old enough, I founded with some other folks, the Alliance of Black Jews. We’re not exotics, or tragic mulattoes, or Black Hebrews who preach a racialised, topsy turvy Judaism that that is too exclusive for white people who only think they are Jews.
Plain old American Jews, who just are a bit darker.
We are the Alliance fight the stereotypes, of both communities about each other. We know the secret in-jokes of each, the secret things said when only the true belongers are present.
We are not exotic, not incongruous,neither are we cultural quandaries. We’re just folks, lucky folks cos we know the worst of both worlds but usually, choose to believe in the best. We work to make sure the world doesn’t stay confused about us and exotic is erotic or any other of the shallow stereotypes that regularly show up when we show up.
Without parents who are balanced and ok within themselves about their relationship with their partner, the kids could run a risk of going WAY off the rails. But, with good parents who just want their kids to be regular normal folks, like Alex here, our American black Jewish kids are going to be just fine.
Alex, Mazal tov! He’s a great kid and a great age. Enjoy! And hope he finds the afikomen and gets a good ransom.
Michelle: Thanks for writing and sharing your own personal experiences. It still boggles my mind how narrow-minded and racist people within our own community can be. It makes me angry and sad and frustrated. I’m glad you’ve found your path, and I wish you all the best.
Very moving – those who acted / act that way
to you are not acting like
true Jews themselves…we
need more Jews like you
are and fewer like they are…
BTW Something to be proud of
and to share with your son
is NFL star Taylor Mays, who is
a proud JOC.
Kol tuv, David
David: Thanks for writing and for your support! And, thanks for pointing out Taylor Mays!! All the best to you, Alex
Alex,
Glad you liked my comment. BTW Taylor Mays will be in my re-recording of my Jewish Sports Stars
Rap song along with former Olympic skater Emily Hughes, former baseball player Adam Greenberg,
former basketball player Tamir Goodman and ten-pin bowling champ Or Aviram. The song will be on
my CD and a video will be on YouTube.
All my best,
David
David: Thanks for writing back and for the update on your efforts. Sounds terrific! Please send a link.
Very moving – those who acted / act that way
to you are not acting like
true Jews themselves…we
need more Jews like you
are and fewer like they are…
BTW Something to be proud of
and to share with your son
is NFL star Taylor Mays, who is
a proud JOC.
Kol tuv, David
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