My wife is Black. I am White. Our newborn son, Ivan, who is just 10 weeks old, is Biracial. We’re not quite sure who Ivan looks like just yet. Some people say he has my eyes. I think it’s the gas (which, if true, is definitely something he got from me). Others say he has my wife’s nose. I don’t know if that’s true, but they both do snore loudly and a lot.
But, the thing that most people seem to focus on is skin color. They want to figure out “what race he is.” Is he Black or White? Does he look Black or White?
I think he looks kind of like a mixture. Sort of gray.
Actually, he’s pretty fair-skinned so far. Darker than me, but lighter than my wife. Which, if you think of it, makes sense. He is a mix of the two of us after all.
Thing is, people have significantly different reactions when they see Ivan with me versus seeing him with my wife.
When they see me with him, they say, “Oh, how cute, a dad and his son. How adorable.”
When they see my wife with him they say, “Oh, how cute, that nanny really seems to like that kid.”
This has upset my wife. I don’t blame her. But, she has patience and grace and class. So, she hasn’t yet told one of these people to go f**k themselves.
But, I want to help. So, here’s my solution, for my wife and any other women who’ve been asked this question. Here are my TOP 10 RESPONSES TO THE QUESTION: IS HE (OR SHE) YOURS?
1. Is he mine? No. But, don’t tell anyone. They don’t know he’s missing.
2. Is he mine? Yes, I got him in the Obama collection in the Sears catalog.
3. Is he mine? Yes. And, one day, God willing, if and when they pass the 14th Amendment, the President signs the Emancipation Proclamation, and we have a Civil Rights Movement, I will be able to live with my child under the same roof. For now, I’ll just look at him from the back of the bus.
4. Is he mine? Are you trying to buy him? You know that trafficking in minors is a felony punishable by law, don’t you?
5. Is he mine? Well, I guess that depends on whether you want to apologize or whether you’d like to get a social call from 5 Black guys who went to prison for crimes actually committed by White people?
6. Is he mine? Yes, can’t you see the resemblance? It’s in the eyes. We both have that same look when confronted with stupidity.
7. Is he mine? He will be once I put him into the stew I’m making and eat him.
8. Is he mine? No, I’m his Aunt. That would be Aunt Jemima. I’m just visiting. Usually, I work on a plantation where I make syrup and cornbread and say things like “Lawdy Miss Scarlett, Atlanta’s done burnin’ down!!”
9. Is he mine? Yes, he was part of the reparations package I received from the Government. They ran out of acres and mules.
10. Is he mine? Yes, which will be true forever and always. Just like your ignorance.
16 Comments on “Who’s Your Nanny?”
I dunno, Ivan looks…worried 🙂
I know the “Nanny” thing all too well. I wish I had these responses when folks used to ask what was my connection to my daughters. Thank you for the laughs!
Thanks for writing in! All the best to you and your family and keep fighting the good fight!
What a beautiful baby! I encountered the same thing when I show off pictures of my grand babies. I say yes, I have one that is chocolate and one that is vanilla! Then I get, oh he has your eyes or your smile, yada yada yada! Sheesh people, get a clue! We all come from the same mixing bowl, just different flavors!
I love it — same mixing bowl, different flavors! Awesome! Thanks for writing in!
Oh, and all the best to you and your family!
When my son was younger, I had my son in the carrier in my shopping cart behind me. i heard a woman squeal in delight but awe at the fact that some crazy white chic had left her cute baby! i turned around an informed her that he was mine and she apologized, claiming she wasn’t prejudiced or anything’ this article struck home on so many levels. i especially loved your answer #6!
Thanks for the great read!
Thanks so much for writing in and so glad it resonated with you. Sadly, this comes up for many women still (including my wife). One day, hopefully, it will be a thing of the past. Please keep reading and visiting! We love the company!
Oops! Sorry for my errors, it’s 3 in the morning! lol
No worries! We’re just glad you’re writing in!! 🙂
I call it the New York Effect…this is the city of nannies and social inappropriateness!!! Not that nannies are inappropriate, behaviors here are at times. I bet you no one that is questioning your wife every thought that they should NOT ask her those offensive questions. I have lived in two other states and let me tell you, no one would even fix their face to approach someone and say such a thing (don’t get me wrong…they might think it, but not voice it). I come from the mind set that ignorance is better off thought and not said. Love your blog!
Thanks so much for writing in! I think you may be onto something with the “New York Effect.” Be well, and please keep visiting!
Congratulations to you and your lovely wife on a beautiful baby. Get used to the stares and questions. My wife is black and we have been married for almost 20 years. Black women in particular had a tendency to boldly ask “is he mixed” when our son was younger. Whites would ask me if my wife was “keeping the baby for me.” (ugh, yeah, she kept him pretty much to herself for nine months). It was common to be asked if we wanted separate checks at restaurants. We moved to Germany in 2007 and, surprisingly, interracial marriages are fairly common. We never had any real problems in the U.S. but Western Europe has been better for us. Best wishes to you, your lovely bride and newborn.
William
It happens to me ALL THE TIME!! I know exactly how your wife feels. Especially since my daughter looks exactly like me, it makes no sense to me when people ask such a rude question. So what if she is lighter? Thank you for those responses, I will most definitely use them! Haha!
Yes, it’s crazy that people ask this, and your experience is just another illustration. I hope that my suggested responses may be helpful to you. Please do keep visiting the website and on Facebook (www.facebook.com/alexbarnettcomic)
Hi Alex, I am soooo feeling for your wife. We have just recently moved to New York with a 4 year old son and have a 1 week old little girl as well – the first thing people ask is if they are mine. I am really over it and may just take to using some of your responses. I recently also wrote an article about the turf war amongst nannies on my blog and it was syndicated on blogher.com. The whole nanny thing is so complex on so many different levels and unfortunately all based around crazy race related ideas.
Happy to have found your blog, your family is lovely.
Ghada
Ghada: Thank you so much for writing! Sorry to hear you’re getting the “is he yours?” question, but glad that my suggested responses may be of use to you. And, congratulations on the blog piece! Thanks so much for visiting, and please do keep coming back (and please do visit on Facebook as well at http://www.facebook.com/alexbarnettcomic)
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