Becoming a dad changes your life.  That’s not a revelation.  It’s been said before.

But, how does it change your life?  There are many ways and not just that you’re always tired, even when you’re rested (which happens infrequently).No, as a dad, you start to think differently, act differently, and even talk differently.  Here are some things I say all the time now that I never thought I’d say when I was single:

1. Come here so I can scrape that dog poop off your shoe.

2. Dude, I know that woman ran over you with her stroller. But it was your fault.  You were standing in the way.  I know she had to cross the street for you to be in her way, but still.  You just don’t get it.

3. Toy Story 1, 2 and 3 are amazing!

4. You what?  You wanna have sex? . . . .  How about we just wait till tomorrow.

5. Holy cow! I gotta call my parents and apologize for the first 21 years of my life.

6. Tell me where you live, and I’ll tell you the nearest playground.

7. I’d rather change a diaper than wash dishes.

8. Toddlers are way better company than adults.

9. The word “potty”

10. Honestly, dude, I wish I were rich. But, right this second, here, now, as we’re talking, I’d be very happy if instead of a million dollars I got to sleep for 24 hours straight