As a dad of a toddler, I worry constantly about whether I’m teaching our son well and whether I’m properly imparting upon him the necessary life lessons, wisdom and knowledge he will need to navigate this difficult world.

To be honest, I’m not sure.  So, I thought back to the advice my dad gave me because it was, as I now see, his words were wise and sagacious. And, I realize they are lessons to be passed on.

So, without further ado, here are the top 10 lessons/pieces of advice my dad gave to me:

1. Keep your eye on the ball.  If you don’t, you’ll miss, and the ball will hit you in the face.

2. Don’t be a P.S.O.A.B. (Pedantic Son of a B*tch).  And, smile knowingly and pedantically when someone asks you to explain what a P.S.O.A.B. is.

3. Life is unfair.  Sorry.  It’s not like kickball in grammar school.  Not everyone gets a turn and a pat on back and an enthusiastic “good try.”  Sometimes crappy stuff happens for no good reason.  Try to avoid that stuff.

4. There’s always someone more successful than you, so give up already with trying to outdo everyone at everything. All you’re gonna do is wind up frustrated, annoyed and jealous of everyone all the time, which is exhausting and makes other people steer clear of you.

5. There will be a lot of places that you will go throughout life.  Take someone with you when you go . . . but make sure they’re not a PSOAB or otherwise a giant pain in the ass.

6. Don’t be a quitter . . . but do be a rester.  Learn the sublime art of the nap.

7. If you really want to be alone for awhile, fart.  People will be more than happy to leave you alone.

8. Doctors are only good if you use them.  Go often.  And, if you don’t like what they said, go to another one.  And, just keep going back till they come up with a diagnosis you like, or until you find another hobby that will cure your boredom.

9. Respect other people.  You can still think they’re f’ing idiots (most people are), but still respect them.

10. Save and invest.  Because being old and broke sucks.

Oh, and here’s one bonus one that my dad told me a lot:

Bonus advice:

If a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bump its ass in the water when it jumps. . . . Yeah, I don’t know what it means either.