My wife and I have a 21-month old son named Ivan. He is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called:
#TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#107) – Raising a Biracial Child (Part II) (following on last week’s part I)
1. My wife and I are a Black and White couple with a Biracial child. We’re upset about the racist remarks made in response to the Cheerios ad featuring a multiracial family. What can we do? Remember, every time you eat a Cheerio, a racist loses his sheet.
2. It seems like racism is less overt these days and more subtle. How do we know whether people are being racist towards us and our child or not? If they call the cops because they think one of you is kidnapping the child, that’s a tip-off. Also, if they use the N-word, that’s a big hint too.
3. People stare at us as we walk down the street. It’s rude and makes us self-conscious. What should we do? Stare back. Keep staring. Don’t blink. Then walk up to them very quietly and whisper, “I know where you live.” Then laugh and walk away . . . . Alternatively, you could just smile and keep walking taking satisfaction in knowing that people are noticing you, which is more than you can say about most people who go unnoticed.
4. I’m not in a multiracial family, but today I saw a very pale White woman with a young boy of about 3 or 4 years old who was very dark-skinned Black. She couldn’t be his mother, could she? It depends on a few things: (a) why do you care; (b) what business is it of yours; (c) have you seen pictures of the President and his late mother; and (d) don’t you have anything better to do?
5. My wife is Black. I’m White, and yesterday, after we walked our son to daycare, a woman asked me if my wife was the “nanny.” What is the appropriate response in that situation? I would just say, “No, that’s not the Nanny. That’s Oprah. She lost weight.” Then smile and keep walking.
6. Are there educational books written for Biracial children? Yes. Coincidentally, they are the same ones written for all children.
7. No, you know what I mean, are there books written for Biracial children with stories about other Biracial children? Yes, there’s Encyclopedia Brown and Barack Obama and the Case of the NSA Surveillance. There’s also I Should’ve Stayed on the Cosby Show by Lisa Bonet. And, of course, everyone’s favorite, Chitlins’ and Knishes: A Jewish-Black Children’s Story, written by Lenny Kravitz.
8. Do Biracial children have a tough time fitting in? Only if they’re fat, ugly nerds with bad personal hygiene.
9. Do Biracial children fit in more with one side of their family or the other? Yes.
10. My neighbors are a multiracial family with a Biracial child. Recently, I heard about something called Loving Day. What is that? It’s a day commemorating the Supreme Court case saying that your neighbors aren’t breaking the law in 16 states in the South.
10 Comments on “News from the Crib: Raising a Biracial Child (Part II)”
Ivan, when I see an interracial family, I am sorry I do stare. But, not for the reasons you think. I am saying to myself, Alright I love seeing this! Love is LOVE no matter the color. I am thinking what a beautiful FAMILY! So forgive me if I stare, I am only staring at LOVE!
Sharon
I really like your website. It’s not only funny at times but serious and informative. I think your responses to these everyday situations that interracial couples face are great. You have a beautiful family and are truly blessed.
P.s. your comment about children’s books was funny. But there is this one book you should look up if you’ve never heard of it. It’s called You Be Me, And I’ll Be You. Although I myself am not bi-racial my parents bought me the book to educate me at a young age about interracial families and that just because there different doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be treated like everyone else.
Thanks for writing and for the book recommendation.
I haven’t heard of this magazine until now. I’ve enjoyed this article so much, I am will subscribe to it. I am also going to post it on my Facebook page. Excellent answers. Thanks.
Thanks so much for writing! So glad you liked the post. We’re so glad to have you come visit with us.
Funny story and a nice way to look at the ugliness people throw at you for “coloring” outside the lines. I’ve learned that In life, we all have some type of burden to bear. Just be honest with your son and show him the beauty of life everyday. I grew up In the 60’s, in the heart of the racist south, but my mom instilled In me that I was just as good as anyone else and could do anything I set my mind to. I believed her and have a great life. My grandchildren are biracial and they are the most beautiful, awesome kids in the world, but I could be a little biased. Lol
Thanks for writing, for sharing, and for the suggestions!
Hi Alex,
I have been following you for some time now. I love your family. Your wife and child are beautiful. I love how your wife wears her natural, beautiful hair. I can tell that she is a very powerful, self-assured woman. I have been watching Ivan grow and he has quite the personality just like his Dad.
I enjoyed your responses on the blog, and have a few comments, if you don’t mind.
I can remember several accounts in grocery stores with my husband and daughter and people asking if we were together during check out. People stare all the time. One time a distant friend asked if I’d had a C-section. I suppose she didn’t know how to ask if I’d actually given birth to my daughter, or if she’d been adopted (smile).
I’ve had people tell me she couldn’t be mine. Why not?
My daughter is 11 years old now. School children can be cruel based on the fact that she has an African-American mom. One kid said, “I know why you always choose chocolate cupcakes. It’s because you’re chocolate.”
Since I’ve heard and listened to how “small minded” some people can be over very minor things such as mixed race families, I started early building my daughter’s self-esteem. I hated to hear people say that just because a child is of mixed-race, he/she would automatically face psychological problems. Really? In fact, I wrote a blog on this story and it’s featured on my website.
Being biracial isn’t a burden to bear. It just is, just like any other race of people!
Other than the racial asides, biracial children’s lives are no different from any other child being raised in functional, balanced, wholesome homes. The extra usually comes in the package of other people and their likes and/or dislikes.
My child feels proud and empowered. She tells her own story. She loves to draw, write and is a very fine pianist. She often talks to children about how to treat others and speaks up for children who are ill-treated by others. Whenever someone mentions something ugly about me just because I’m black she says, “Yes, my Mom is black. She is also an author, has obtained doctoral degree, and………..” Then, she asks, “What about your mom?”
My daughter is a member of Project R.A.C.E. (Reclassify All Children Equally), and talked about doing a Cheerios commercial for the young teen President. I think that we should.
It’s ashamed, but in 21st century America racism is alive and well. We learned this just recently with the Cheerios commercial and with the young Hispanic child who sang the national anthem. The very heart of some can be hard and cold, even against young innocent children.
What a pity for the adults who massage these sorts of attitudes and characters. Many hide behind masks and wouldn’t dare show this side at church, at social functions, work, and the like. They throw rocks and hide their dirty hands.
My heart goes out to these people, not the biracial child. Biracial children are doing just great in their skin.
Thank you for writing and for sharing and thank you so much for being such a thoughtful and constant visitor with us. And, finally, thanks for bringing Project R.A.C.E. to our attention. We will definitely reach out to them! All the best.
Thanks so much, Ivan. You’re coming up in a very special time for the human family, sweetheart. You, and those like you, are the best of all of us, especially those on this continent. You, dear boy, and your beautiful family, represent a deep healing in our America. May your bright shining example save our future.
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